A topic that has been a source of controversy for so many is the issue of women’s submission in marriage. The new generation holds strongly the belief that women and men are equal in marriage, hence, they should both respect each other with no one being the head and another, the “neck”.
Women’s submission in marriage is strongly backed up by religious books and is constantly preached by men of God. Submissiveness has been constantly preached to promote a long-lasting marriage among other things. However, this is believed by gender advocates to be a tool to promote male supremacy in society and by religious organisations. Hence, constantly causing arguments on social media.
Revered for his leadership of arguably the largest church in Nigeria – Redeemed Christian Church of God – Pastor Enoch Adeboyes’s views on marriage, which tends to the submission of the woman, does not always go down well with a section of the Nigerian Twitter.
The series of tweets he posted on Monday to celebrate his wife on her birthday riled many. In the tweets, Pastor Adeboye listed the qualities of his wife while wishing her a happy birthday – qualities many found too docile. This did not go down well with so many people who questioned his mentality about women and marriage.
The pastor, backing up each point with a bible verse gladly writes about how his wife’s sacrifices have made the marriage prosper and bloom. Using her different qualities, he aims they would serve as a lesson to other women.
She is a powerful woman, I know that. She has many people who take instructions from her, but as powerful as she is and even though she has seen me in my weakest moments, I have no doubt that I am her head. It does not matter what is on her itinerary if I say I would like you to go with me to so and so place the best she can do is try to convince me otherwise.
If I insist, she would cancel whatever she was to do and come along with me. The Bible in Ephesians 5:23 says: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…”
The husband is the head of the wife. No matter how educated or successful you are, your husband is your head and you must regard him as such at all times. It is a terrible thing for a husband to feel his wife is his head. Many men are misbehaving in their marriages simply because they want to establish that they are the head of their wives. Also, my wife is my number one fan.
She wrote in the book Mathematics of Marriage – which we coauthored, that as my helpmate she knows she cannot help me without my instructions, so when they come, her response is Yes sir. Busy as she is, she still cooks my meals and serves me herself. Many young ladies these days leave everything to the house help.
My wife still trims my nails for me. There was a time when I was a teacher and was staying far from town. She had to cut my hair during that period. Anything I uphold, she upholds too. Can your husband rely on you?. Make up for your husband’s weaknesses, celebrate his successes, be his number one cheerleader.
I wish my lovely wife a Happy Birthday @PastorFAAdeboye.
In reactions to the tweets, many insisted that the kind of marriage he preaches is that filled with slavery and not love.
A user with the handle 77dreams tweeted:
Never read something so ……I have no words, this man epitomizes his generation of Nigerians, the foolishness, the lack of knowledge, wickedness of the mind, misogyny, I can go on and on. I feel very sick reading this.
Soniaeze-Who trims her nail, who’s her cheerleader, she’s not deserving of that.On her freeking birthday you couldn’t give the woman a break you just made the whole thing about yourself, she basically exists through your shadow. Her purpose in life is to serve you all the days of her life.
Some, however, believe marriage can only work with the principles of submissiveness:
Emmasft_: Reading through the comments, I could see a gigantic gap between two generations. One with understanding and the other with foolishness. A marriage of 52 years is talking, marriages that don’t last 12 months are feeling disgust, because of the word: “submissive”.
Another with the handle Surplus71203589 tweeted:
Trying to Follow this thread makes me smile ..I see an exemplary Christian home .. I know this is Gods idea of a perfect home ..Daddy I’m happy for you! You found a wife Mummy @PastorFAAdeboye. I promise God on this day to help my husband ( future) like you did .. God bless u.
This will not be the first time he would come under scrutiny for his tweets. In January, he tweeted that men should not marry women that cannot cook as cooking is part of the responsibilities of women in a marriage.
Also, in February, he said that if his son is attracted to his female secretary, she should be fired. Many questioned his view about women and their importance in the family at large.
This constantly leads to the question: Does submission equals marriage longevity? Are submissive women happy in their marriages? Are there really any rules for a happy marriage?